Neither Here Nor There

I never, ever type directly into WordPress (though I used to), but tonight is different: I’ve pulled an all-nighter.

At this age I do this quarterly at most with about half of those sleepless nights spent tossing and turning in bed wishing for sleep. But a couple of times a year it just seems like the right thing to do.

It is not right. It is inhumane. But when your airport shuttle is picking you up at 4:15 am, and at 7:00 pm the contents of the home you’re dismantling and dispersing are strewn everywhere, and your suitcase is still in the garage, and some of the clothes you plan to pack are still spinning in the washing machine…well, 11:00 and 12:00 and come quickly.

Even when friends help diligently, saying, “I can’t leave you like this…” I wanted to say, “I got it,” but even I’m not that good of a bluffer, and besides: I think those days are over. The days of bluffing, I mean. The days of pretending it’s all okay when even a blind man could sense it’s not.

Honesty is not overrated.

The clock ticks faster and faster just like it did when I pulled multiple all nighters every month studying for tests, frantically writing essays, and sometimes just because we were having too much fun to go to sleep.

It’s the week before Christmas and every seat on the plane is likely to be booked and every person will schlep slightly more than the required carryon allotment. But not me. I’m checking a bag and traveling light. I’m going to sleep, I hope, on my first flight, and when I get to MSP I’m going to do something I’ve never done: I’m going to get a massage, a manicure, a pedicure, a trim, a facial….i’m going to get whatever I have time for because…I deserve it?

Can i say that out loud? Sure, why not, especially if I’m following my new mantra: Honesty is not overrated.

(P.S. Once I’m lucid again I wonder if I’ll delete this post…)

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3 thoughts on “Neither Here Nor There

  1. Yes, you deserve it!
    We all need to remember to love ourselves because when we feel good it is so much easier to love others.

    You know sharing through a blog is sometimes hard when I doubt myself, but almost always someone is reading and responds with love.

    Have a great massage!!

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